Real Men Do Needlework And Kiss Other Men
by The Seventh L
Summary: Naruto is the class clown; Sasuke is the quiet nerd. With all the single boys in school gunning for the right to become the blond's boyfriend, only the flour-infused powers of baking can bring this unlikely pair together. // HS!AU; NaruSasu //


The first anonymous love letter that week came on the day after spring break, smelling of roses and sealed with a kiss as was typical of Rock Lee. He also had a habit of drawing a picture of himself on the front of it, big bushy brows and all, blowing a kiss. Naruto grumbled and stuffed the envelope, unopened, into his trapper keeper (which was covered in band logo stickers and scribbles of his friends during algebra). It was only the break before first period and it already looked to be a long day.

It's not like he disliked the attention, Naruto thought as he made his way through the halls towards his first class; ever since he came out last year - freshman year, of all the times to do so - as being gayer than a three-dollar bill, every single and interested male had been trying their damnedest to court him. There had been letters and flowers and chocolates and expensive gifts and offers to do homework for free. Once, he had gone back to his desk after school for a porno mag he'd left behind, only to find upper classman Chouji sprawled naked across his desk, giant artistically placed clusters of fruit the only thing between Naruto and Chouji's junk. He barely registered the fact that Chouji was giving him his best "bedroom eyes" look before running from the room and not stopping until he was all the way home, alone, in his apartment where he could take a cold shower and try to avoid the bowl of fruit sitting on the kitchen table. That was not even the worst of them, sadly.

Naruto took another look at his schedule. First period, as usual, was home room, which he usually slept through. Then the rest of his day fell together like so: history; algebra; literature; gym; break for lunch; geology; music; home economics - wait, _what the hell_?

Apparently, Naruto had said that last bit out loud as everyone around him gave him an odd look. Face flushed, he scurried off to home room, ignoring the curious look from his home room teacher - well, as much as he could see from his one good eye. Naruto ended up falling asleep at his desk, hidden behind a text book, as Mister Hatake took roll and eventually dropped a stack of heavy books near his head to wake him up.

Last period of the day came around, and Naruto stumbled, dazed, into class, having found three more notes of affection in his locker - and one hidden at the bottom of his yakisoba bowl during lunch time. Sakura shot him a concerned look as he fell back into the seat across from hers; she wasn't interested in him romantically, and somehow the two of them had become somewhat friends during the years. At one time, they had dated - that is, until Naruto realized he was gay and Sakura realized that she liked her men older, scholarly and with only one functioning eye. She was probably looking forward to clubs and spending time with Kakashi after school; the only place Naruto went after school was home, where none of his male classmates would be waiting to spring their undying affection on him, thank goodness.

"Don't look now, but I think Sasuke is looking at you," Sakura whispered, and he gulped. So far, the Uchiha lad had been disinterested in the blond. In fact, Sasuke usually went out of his way to avoid Naruto, either in class or the hallways or during free time. Sasuke hated loud, obnoxious brats - and for all intents and purposes, Naruto was pretty much the biggest, loudest, and most obnoxious brat in school. He slept during class and laughed too loud and played jokes on the teachers and basically did things that naturally drew the ire of Sasuke's refined sensibilities. It only made sense that the two were about as attracted to each over as oil and water, or a skittish cat and a sprinkler.

So when Sakura told him that the man himself was looking his way, it took all his self-control not to run screaming from the room. _Oh God, not him. Not that uptight glasses-wearing nerd boy._ Sasuke was one of those kids who spent his lunch hour in the library, hung out only with his older brother Itachi as well as the red-headed kid from Tottori Prefecture named Gaara, and was good at pretty much everything. Even if Naruto was interested - which he wasn't - Sasuke was clearly not his type. Also, Naruto didn't think the kid was gay - or even sexually interested. In her opinion, Sasuke had about as much attraction as an ameoba.

And that's when the teacher decided to rearrange everyone's seating, and stuck Naruto next to the nerdy ameoba. Oh boy. Naruto shrunk back into his chair and frowned, only to hear a sudden and light laugh from his side. He glanced over to see Sasuke rearranging his glasses in such a way that his hand covered his mouth.

"Tch." The bastard was laughing at him. Naruto decided then and there - Sasuke Uchiha was the worst kind of person, and he would make no effort to be friendly with him. As class started and Naruto actively ignored the oddly suggestive pictures Kabuto kept stitching and flashing at him, he grumbled over his own needlework. In his periphery, he could see that Sasuke was working dilligently on a picture of a house surrounded by flowers. Naruto resisted the urge to gag.

Sasuke looked over to see Naruto's own picture - which was a picture of a scantily-clad young man who looked suspiciously like an older Naruto, with an outline of the words CAN'T TOUCH THIS on the bottom. He raised one eyebrow in quiet surprise, which earned a deeper pout of annoyance from Naruto.

"What's it to you, anyway?" he growled lowly. "You got something against my picture?"

"Yes."

Naruto got in Sasuke's face and pointed one accusatory finger at the spot that kept the boy's lenses together. "Yeah? What's that?"

Sasuke did not even flinch, but sighed and said, "The shoulders are too wide, the face is out of proportion and there's no decent line work anywhere below the waist. So get out of my face." Without waiting for Naruto's answer, he turned to continue work on his own stitching, leaving Naruto slack-jawed and enraged at having been royally served by his own worst enemy. At that moment, he swore revenge on the Uchiha boy, no matter what it took. He had no idea, however, what that would take on his part - or how far it would go.

Seven long days passed, and Naruto began to suspect that there was a cabal of teachers in Konoha High School who were all working tirelessly to bring him down in the worst way possible. Ever since the seat switch in Home Ec, every other teacher had done the same to their own roster, and every new arrangement brought his seat next to Sasuke's. That meant that every paired assignment, every group project, forced Naruto to work with the Uchiha boy. In return, the fevered advances of his unwanted suitors seemed to kick into high gear. More and more tokens of love were being placed around him - his desk, his book bag, his lunch tray, his gym clothes, _everywhere_ - as if Sasuke's close proximity to the blond would increase any chance of the two becoming items. Chouji could occasionally be seen hunkering down in the corner of the cafeteria, face flushed, trying to concoct another scheme that would show Naruto how well equipped he was as a man. Shikamaru flat-out asked Naruto to go out with him, then after being rejected just shrugged and walked away.

When the home ec class started making the students bake, of all things, Naruto suddenly found himself in closer quarters than ever with the ever-frowning boy. They started making pies together, and even Naruto could not deny that Sasuke had a way with pastry. Too bad everything Naruto touched either caught on fire or exploded - or both. He was just destined to stay out of the kitchen and live solely from microwaveable dinners.

Throughout all the initial hubbub, what no one ever managed to see was that on the seventh day since everything changed, Sasuke had picked up one of the delicate colored paper cranes that a senior student named Nagato had left behind on Naruto's desk; the boy held it gingerly between two fingers and examined it with a curious look before placing it in his jacket pocket, only seconds before an enraged Naruto stormed into the room, having fallen asleep in the bathroom and woken up to find someone had scribbled spirals all over his face in marker that refused to wash off. Naruto spent the whole class period smashing a piece of dough into oblivion with his knuckles and almost hitting Sasuke in the face with it out of sheer frustration.

"Uzumaki Naruto," the teacher roared (bits of dough having been flung around by Naruto, some of it sticking to the man's clothes and face) "and Uchiha Sasuke! You don't have any clubs, so you'll be cleaning up the room after class - no arguments!" Naruto looked as pissed as ever, and Sasuke did not even bother to argue as to why he was being included in the punishment.

And just like that, the two boys were stuck in the same room together, cleaning up Naruto's mess (as usual) while everyone else bustled out in a hurry. They did not want to be caught in another one of Naruto's pastry-induced rampages - or have to catch themselves from laughing too hard at the boy's face, which still had faint smudges of black marker across it. Sasuke wordlessly began cleaning off the chalkboard, which then included picking off the globs of dough and wiping off the spray of sugar crystals that had stuck to it in an arc across the board's surface, almost like a rainbow.

Naruto honestly did not expect to speak a single word to the other boy while they worked. He would have preferred that Sasuke had shut his mouth. But after a few minutes of silence, barely punctuated by the sounds of a wet rag squeaking across a sugar-encrusted chalkboard and a sponge skittering messily on the tops of empty desks, Naruto quickly found the lack of speech annoying. He was a boy whose mouth ran a mile a minute; he wasn't used to this kind of stuff at all.

"Why do you encourage them?" Sasuke's voice came out of the blue so suddenly that he might as well have ran his nails across the very board he was cleaning. Naruto jumped despite himself and turned around to see Sasuke had not stopped cleaning as he spoke.

"Eh? Encourage who?" Naruto shot a look at Sasuke's back before going back to wiping off another desk top.

"Your suitors. All the boys that chase you." Sasuke sounded completely disinterested. "You should just say you're not interested. Unless you are."

"I'm not!" Naruto slammed his hands down on the nearest desk, which threatened to tip over under his weight.

"If you keep leading them on like you do," Sasuke said, "they will get the impression you like them."

"I don't---"

"So you hate them?"

"I don't hate them! I just don't want to date any of them!" Naruto turned and in one movement threw his sponge at the chalkboard, where it stuck for a few seconds before flopping to the ground wetly. Even that did not faze the other boy, who simply adjusted his glasses with one hand and kept cleaning with the other.

"You're the kind of person I hate the most. The ones who can't make up his mind." Sasuke's lips curled up into a dark smile. And that is when Naruto shoved the other boy up against the chalkboard, until Sasuke's cheek was smashed into the wall, his black hair flying loose and hiding his face.

"Shut up! You don't know anything about me, so shut up!" Naruto's face grew red from his anger: anger at Sasuke for saying such hurtful things; anger at the boys who kept pursuing him without end; angry at himself for not really putting his foot down.

Sasuke turned his face to look back over at Naruto. "Does this make you feel any better, bullying me?"

Naruto stepped back and let go of Sasuke, who quickly stood up and rubbed his bruised cheek, unapologetic. "No." Then he grinned. "Hey, you're the first guy to actually talk to me and not hit on me!"

Sasuke blinked. "Even Kankurō?"

"Especially Kankurō." Naruto made a gross-out face. "He tried to paint my face once. Stuff smells like rotten feet."

"You sound like you've smelled rotten feet before."

Naruto pouted, his bottom lip sticking out and begging to be tugged on. "Yeah, well, takes one to know one." And before Sasuke could respond, Naruto was off to pick up his sponge and finish his job of cleaning the desks. "I still don't like you, though."

Sasuke shrugged and began to wipe down the board. "I can't say I like you either."

"Let's keep it that way," Naruto grumbled. "I'm not in the mood for another candidate for boyfriend. Especially if it's a guy like you." He heard the faintest sound of laughter and growled before grabbing a broom and getting to work.

They spent the rest of the time cleaning in silence, but it wasn't the same as before, not by a long shot. The next day only Sakura, who had known both boys since they were tots, noticed the difference in the boys' behavior. Sasuke did not give the blond the same cold shoulder as before, and Naruto actually made the occasional effort to work with his school partner. Their home economics teacher could not help but pat himself on the back and congratulate himself shortly before getting back to work on his great passion: writing smutty graphic novels.

When a big test in history class came up, it was Naruto who came after Sasuke, asking the "supposed super genius" for study assistance; Sasuke quickly became Naruto's unofficial tutor for basically all of his classes, the only thing that kept Naruto from failing any of his major tests. If Sasuke thought Naruto's newfound interest in his life would stop there, he was wrong. Sasuke soon found himself being invited to basically every get-together Naruto and his friends had, which seemed like almost every day. Even Itachi was starting to get suspicious of his brother's new social life; after seeing Naruto and Sasuke during one of their study sessions, Itachi drove all the way to the Itachi family burial plot and asked his deceased parents' spirits how they would feel if their youngest son liked another boy in a certain way (no one knows if he got an answer back).

On a Sunday morning following a very intense night of karaoke and conveyer belt sushi, Naruto woke up with a pounding headache and a knocking sound that turned out not to be inside his head. He found Shikamaru waiting outside his front door, holding a bag of bagels and looking about as pensive as he had ever looked before. Naruto let him inside his apartment because what else could he do? Besides, the guy brought breakfast. So Naruto stuffed a strawberry and cream cheese bagel in his mouth and listened to Shikamaru, who apparently could not wait until Monday to tell him what he thought.

"If you are interested in Sasuke, you should tell everyone else so they don't get their hopes up. There's a betting pool going on in the boy's football team that you'll be the one to ask him out first, by the way. I've got a couple of notes on Sasuke doing it first. Not that I'm trying to influence your decision, because that would be cheating." He stood up while Naruto was trying to choke down the rest of his bagel, and sighed. "Just . . . don't do anything you'll regret later." With that, Shikamaru left, leaving Naruto with a throat full of bread and a look of pure confusion.

Naruto _had_ planned on spending the day playing video games and not doing his homework, a typical Sunday for him. But now he was on the phone, ringing up Sakura and Ino and even the middle school brat Konohamaru, trying to figure out what in fresh hell was going on.

And then, in between Naruto's call to Konohamaru (who, despite being a rather all-knowing idiot when it came to gossip, did not know anything about his situation) and deciding whether or not to just get up and _go_ to Sasuke's house and ask, someone knocked on the door. That certain someone just happened to be Sasuke, man of the morning, holding his history textbooks and looking bored as usual. He let himself in and sat on the couch in Naruto's living room, wondering why the other boy was giving him such a ridiculously pained look.

"We're still studying together, right?" Sasuke asked, absently fiddling with his glasses as he spoke.

"Um. Yeah. Let me just get my --- stuff." Naruto stumbled into his bedroom, grabbing blindly at his textbooks, trying to mentally compute what was going on. _No_, he told himself, _don't think about Shikamaru's message or that Sasuke may try to ask you out or that Sakura thinks he's gay for you -- JUST STOP IT, OKAY._ It's not like Sasuke was a bad person, per se. He was quiet and broody and good looking and smart and - Naruto huffed and puffed until said thoughts vacated his brain. It was getting ridiculous.

He went back to the living room only to find Sasuke had managed to put together some tea and snacks on the coffee table during his absence, and had his books all open and ready. Sasuke gave the other boy a look. "Can we start now?"

"Yeah. Right." Naruto sat down next to Sasuke, and their knees bumped against each other. They started going over Sasuke's meticulous notes on ancient Japanese history, but when Naruto should have been more focused on things like Heian-kyō and the Meiji Restoration all he could think about was if Sasuke was actually interested in him and was he interested in Sasuke and if he should really be considering such a thing at a time like that and could Sasuke cook as well at home as he did in class and by the time he started considering telling Sasuke that it wouldn't work because he'd be too nervous to meet his parents, Sasuke had started talking about shonen manga to see if Naruto was really paying attention.

"And then the Shogun of Japan ate the Gum Gum Fruit and turned into rubber, remember?" Sasuke deadpanned, then groaned as Naruto blankly nodded along. "Naruto, are you even listening?"

Naruto frowned. "Not really." He sighed. "This is boring! Isn't there something more interesting to do?"

"We could make out."

As Naruto continued to choke on air, face red, Sasuke shook his head in disapproval. "For someone like you, I did not expect you to balk. I wasn't serious, of course."

"O-of course!" Naruto managed, having calmed down somewhat.

Sasuke titled his head to one side; his bangs brushed against the tops of his glasses frames. "We would have to start officially going out before I could even ask that."

"Don't be stupid!" Naruto shouted. "I don't even like you?"

The look Sasuke gave his dimwitted friend was practically venomous. "You work with me in class even when you don't have to. You personally invite me to after-school outings with other students. You had me be your study buddy for weeks now - not to mention, I know it was you who told Hinata to ask me out, thanks but no thanks."

"What's wrong with Hinata, huh?"

"Nothing!" Sasuke snapped. "I'm just not interested in _girls_, okay?"

"Oh." Naruto pointed at Sasuke stupidly and added, "So you're gay?"

"As much as you are a complete moron." Sasuke stood up and began gathering up his books, despite Naruto's protests. As for Naruto, he felt like the entire situation was getting way out of hand. Sasuke was mad at him, Naruto was confused about Sasuke, and the rest of the school was probably waiting for either their engagement or for one of them to kill the other. And there he was, standing in his apartment waffling while something worth pursuing was ready to up and leave.

"Wait!" At that point, Sasuke was already two feet from the front door. The sound of Naruto's voice forced Sasuke to stop and turn around to face the blond boy. "You idiot, where do you think you're going?"

"Home. Unless a certain other idiot has another idea."

"Like what?"

Sasuke smiled, and the sight of it made Naruto feel strangely at ease. The words that followed, however, did something different. "We could always try out a first date. Long as you don't take me to a ramen bar." Naruto's jaw must have dropped, because Sasuke quickly paced the floor over until he was close enough to close the boy's mouth with the barest pressure of a fingertip. "Just say yes."

"You just ---"

"Yes?"

"You just made Shikamaru a couple of yen notes richer."

Sasuke did not ask what the hell Naruto was talking about. But he did not kiss him, either. Not yet. Not until later, which came after an afternoon trip through Shinjuku, several rounds of awkward karaoke (which ended up being crashed by Naruto's friends and turned into a free-for-all that was destined to be talked about for weeks afterward) and a quiet walk through Shakujii Park. The night came and found the two boys sitting together, exhausted, in Naruto's living room. Naruto was too tired to make dinner, but that was okay. For some reason, he wasn't hungry.

When Sasuke finally leaned over and kissed him, lightly, Naruto wondered why it took so long. He then pulled back suddenly, causing Sasuke to look nervous. It was actually a pretty cute look for him, and Naruto spent a few seconds admiring Sasuke's expression before realizing what had happened.

"Oh man!" Naruto groaned. "How am I going to tell the other guys at school I'm dating the class nerd? School assembly? Mass letter campaign?" The sudden burst of joy from being kissed by his new boyfriend was replaced by panic at being mobbed by a gang of rejected young men who had been courting the same person for years.

Sasuke reached out and held Naruto's chin in his hand, forcing the blond to look him in the eyes. "You walk into school tomorrow morning," he said, "and hold my hand as we walk to class. Show everyone what's going on."

Naruto made a grossed out face. "That's kinda too much, man. And really girly. Are you sure I can't just throw them into a pit and make them battle royale it out?"

"No. Now shut up." And that was that, because then Sasuke kissed Naruto again and the blond forgot why he was so troubled in the first place.


End file.
